DAMMIT!

so i just wrote a blog about how i was over my ex and i fucked a whole bunch of dudes to get over him and blah blah blah. well guess fucking what? i just unblocked him and his fucking cunt, you know the one he fucked behind my back, on facebook and proceeded to look through all their shit. why did i do this, you ask? GOOD FUCKING QUESTION! answer? I DONT KNOW! i must really hate myself. because really what would drive me to torture myself by looking at pictures of them all happy and in love? why did i do this when i already knew before hand it was going to feel like someone punched me in the stomach looking at this shit? ARGH!!!!! AND WHY is it impossible for me to be in a normal stable relationship when the whack job, asshole, lying cheating motherfucker that is my ex is STILL with the girl he cheated on me with! WHAT THE FUCK! what is wrong with me! WHEN is it going to stop hurting when i think about this guy? i just want to move on. really i do. i have no secret fantasies of us getting back together. i wouldn't want to touch him now with a ten foot pole. i am over him in the sense that i would never ever want to be with this person again. BUT STILL i feel angry and hurt and bitter and inadequate and basically like a piece of shit whenever i think about what happened. WHEN IS THAT GOING TO GO AWAY? its been 6 months now. we were together for a year and a half. he was my first real relationship and the first person i ever fell in love with. i want to come to a place where i can be happy for this person and not feel all these terrible feelings whenever i think about him. is that possible? SIGH. i dunno. i'll let you know in another 6 months.

emo break up song courtesey of leona lewis.

- pg