Thursday, October 21, 2010

Getting your vagina waxed by a small Asian lady with curious fingers...

So today I got my vagina waxed for the very first time.  I was on my Blackberry, texting away the entire time.  Here's a transcript of what went down.   Me: I'm going to go get my v waxed.
  I'm terrified.
 Friend: :)
  topic for the blog
  man scaping
10:17 AM Me: Yesssss!
 Friend: here are the levels
1) Golfing Green Trimed
 Me: I am soooo writing about all this when I get back.
  Some dudes overdo it.
 Friend: 2) Bald Mountain
  3) Jungle Escapade
10:20 AM Me: Ha!

7 minutes
10:27 AM Friend: doesnt shaved freak ladies out?
10:28 AM Me: It freaks me out. Rachel digs it.  (Rachel is another ladyfriend who likes shorn men)
 Friend: well you dont go down so yeah  (Refer to RETURNING THE FAVOR blog)
10:29 AM Me: Ya that's true.
 Friend: dental floss pubes are kind nar nar
 Me: I just think dudes should be manly.
10:30 AM Trimme it good.
  Shaved is not.
 Friend: yeah
  I agree

9 minutes
10:39 AM Me: Oh man.
  I'm so nervous.
  Fuck and there's like tons of people in here.
 Friend: where are you?
 Me: I had to say what I wanted out loud.
10:40 AM Cole valley salon.
  Its where ----- goes.  (Bleeping out friend's name to protect her privacy/dignity)
  So I figured if these people saw her junk they could see mine.
 Friend: oh right
 Me: I'm seriously freaking out.
10:43 AM Friend: the ripping of the V hair?
 Me: Ah.
 Friend: how long does it last?
 Me: Like 2 weeks.
  I've never done the full brazilian.
 Friend: do it!
  you will feel like a total queen afterwards
  Queen of Persia
10:44 AM Me: Really.
 Friend: like getting a tattoo
  only I wont be able to see it
 Me: Eeeh.
 Friend: so really what do I care?
 Me: I wish it was empty.
10:45 AM Do dudes care?
10:47 AM Like if I hook up with old man would he notice the difference???
 Friend: he will yeah
  we always notice
  I think it's more of a relationship thing
 Me: !
 Friend: when you are sexing the same person
 Me: I'm next.
 Friend: its like
 Me: Yeeeesh.
 Friend: a super nice thing to reach down and discover that
  but yeah
10:48 AM do it for yourself though
  not for old man  (Shaddup.  NO GIRL would or should ever do this for herself!)
10:49 AM Me: I am nude with an old vietnamese lady.
 Friend: hahahahaha
 Me: Oh my god.
 Friend: have her pour you a shot of whiskey now
 Me: Dude she's going nuts.
 Friend: "live blogging the wax job!"
  quicker is better
  get it over with
10:50 AM hey, I got a 30% off friends and family discount for Levis  (WTF?????? Way to change the subject)
 Me: Dude its like almost done.
 Friend: *Levis
  and oyu were all nervous
10:51 AM you arent all hairy
  like most west asians though are you?  (Goddammit.)
 Me: Dude sjhes all up in my crevices?!!!!
10:52 AM Butt creack!!!!
  Dude this is queef worthy!
  Ih ym god.
  She's sayong how strong I am.
10:53 AM Friend: haha
10:54 AM this is the best thing ever
  I am so glad to be privy to this
 Me: This is insane.
 Friend: after this you will have to LA style caladner it
10:55 AM put on a bikini and oil up
  and get photos
  with a gun
  or next to a fire truck
  or maybe operating some heavy machinery
 Me: Ha!
10:57 AM Little asian fingers.
10:58 AM Oh my god.
  She's waxing my butt.
11:01 AM I'm done!!!!
  How long did that last?
11:03 AM Friend: like 10 minutes max
11:05 AM Me: Haha I just told my mom.
11:06 AM Friend: hahahahaha

8 minutes
11:15 AM Me: You must email me the transcript of this chat.
  It must go on the blog.

12 minutes
11:28 AM Friend: hahaha
  DONE   Please note the sloppy and crazed texting throughout this entire thing.  Seriously, it was traumatizing, humiliating, and really, I'm doing this just because I'm expecting crazy disgusting and filthy sex tomorrow.  Holler ya'll! - Claptrap

No comments:

Post a Comment